S1:E2 – models and mortals

Modelizer: a particular breed only obsessed with models

Miranda is at a dinner party with Nick, who she met in the elevator in their office building, and his friends. Nick asks everyone to name an old movie star who you’d like to fuck when they were young, and the party goes around with their answers (Sophia Loren, Montgomery Cleft (he’s gay!), and Bing Crosby). Miranda wistfully names Sean Connery and is having a great time until she finds out from the two other women that Nick has a huge thing for models and he invited her because she was not. Flashbacks of previous parties show Nick’s model dates pushing their food around, pouting, and naming their “old” movie star: Charlie Sheen (which back in the 90s I could see that, but he’s more into porn stars – not models). His friends are sick of Nick and threaten “NO MORE MODELS!” so he brings Miranda – his intellectual beard (or is it beer? I could never tell) for the evening. After confronting him, he confesses that he is a modelizer.

At Carrie’s, the ladies are shocked that Miranda was out with a modelizer and didn’t realize it. I think it’s because Nick isn’t all that attractive and Miranda knew that she wasn’t really attracted to him, but went out with him anyways because he asked and if it did work out, she had a good reason if she ran into Skipper. So I’m sure she would have seen him again, but only for the dinner parties and she would have been really sad about that. Everyone then points out their flaws: Miranda hates her chin, Carrie her nose (another commonality with I), and Charlotte her thighs. When it’s Samantha’s turn, she doesn’t see any flaws and loves the way she looks (get it girl!).

It’s onto public opinion time from models and their modelizers. The models all love their lives. They travel, get free stuff, and are constantly told how beautiful they are. Nick, the spokesman for all modelizers says it best though: Why fuck the girl in the skirt, when you can fuck the girl in the ad with the skirt? Nick probably has his own catalogue with the ads of all the women he’s fucked, although I theory that he needs to do more than just take them to dinner parties.

Carrie and Barkley

You gotta light?

Now just when you thought that Nick was creepy, we meet Carrie’s friend Barkley (who’s probably Capote’s younger brother). Barkley’s a notorious modelizer who takes his obsession up a notch on the bedpost by secretly taping his model conquests. He calls it his “real art”, but I call it super creepy. One of the videos shows him winking at the camera as Carrie asks him for a light. Next creepy guy, but in a sincere way, is Skipper who just wants Miranda to call him back. He stops Carrie as they walk down the street and asks her to talk to Miranda for him, but then it goes to voicemail and Skipper grabs the phone and leaves a pathetic message that only validates Miranda’s intentions to never call him back. I feel bad for Skippy, but Miranda is just way too assertive with him and that assertion only turns her off. Carrie then meets up with Stanford who has developed his own obsession with his only client, male supermodel Derek aka “The Bone” at a fashion show. Samantha’s also there and so is Barkley (shocker!) and they’re introduced. Samantha then proceeds to solidify her place in badass women history by asking Carrie the Best. Question. Ever.

Best question ever

Martini straight up, or with a twist?

In more suddenly “small world” New York City news, everyone ends up at a runway after-party and of course Carrie runs into Mr. Big and she offers him a puff – a sweet potato puff. She has no shame in taking more than a couple puffs. After all, who else is going to eat them? The models? Certainly not Mr. Big’s model friend who lures him away so Carrie can finish the rest of her puffs. Samantha’s very excited about Barkley and despite Carrie’s warnings about the camera, she definitely wants to sleep with him now and goes to his loft. When she asks him about the camera, he tells her not to worry since he only tapes models (creepy & rude!), but he’ll make an exception since she doesn’t mind. Carrie in the meantime, is about to go home when Derek asks to come with her. After having some wine and sharing a cigarette, Derek divulges his dislike for modeling and how lonely he is. See, even beautiful people can be lonely!

A lonely and beautiful-in-denial Miranda is at her local bodega when she awkwardly runs into Skippy. Poor guy still doesn’t understand why he won’t return his calls, especially because he thinks she’s luminous. This is exactly what Miranda’s been longing to hear and she invites him to come home with her. Awwww, he modelizes her!

With an unexpected twist of her own, Stanford calls Carrie looking for Derek. Stanford then hears Derek’s beautiful voice and freaks out at the possibility that Carrie slept with him. When she says she didn’t, Stanford is hopeful once again that Derek is even more in love with him. Sadly, Derek moves back to Iowa and fulfills his dream of becoming a cop who in my fantasy moonlights as a stripper cop.   We also find out that Nick has hit rock bottom with his model obsession and I sincerely hope he gets help. After being rejected from Derek, Carrie puts him on blast in her column that she’s finishing up at her local coffeeshop when Mr. Big shows up. He’s been thinking about her column and concludes that men are attracted to beautiful women (duh), but you just want to be with the one who makes you laugh. He leaves Carrie beaming and happy about having a rent-controlled apartment because that’s what writers do. They’re constantly rambling about their rent-controlled apartments in the city (the original title of the show).

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